One of the hardest things about being a mum is that there are no days off. Gone are the days of lying in at weekends, relaxing holidays or sick days in bed. Kids just don't get it when you're exhausted or feeling rough - they still need what they need.
We are blessed that Justin is a teacher and gets a lot of holiday but after a few holidays with kids we had to adjust our expectations - holidays were no longer relaxing. Okay so there are two of us to carry the load, do the dishes, make the dinner etc. but not a lot of quiet time. We had to start planning activities to entertain our children.
Its funny that when I was a student I thought life was busy (bearing in mind I did a drama degree this was not really the case), and then when I got married we thought we were super busy!! Little were we to know what life would be like with kids - it is relentless and we wouldn't change having them for the world, but I sometimes have those days when the alarm goes off and I think - I just can't do it today.
To tired mums and dads - and those who often ponder if they're doing this parenting job well enough - and wonder how they will do it another day, I quote from Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity the same words I sent to my tired husband this morning;
"Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means." (Robert Louis Stevenson). " Take therefore no thought for the morrow... Give us this day our daily bread. As thy days, so shall thy strength be."
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Out and About
On Saturday we decided to take our eldest daughter Beth on a special mummy / daddy date. We asked friends to look after our other girls and caught the train to windsor to see the castle and to have tea and cake. This, we thought would be a fun treat for all of us without the worry of two 1 year olds getting cross about being in the buggy or alternatively running away!! Little were we to know that number one, it would pour with rain and number two that Beth would be in 'one of those moods'. So we battled all afternoon with Beth running into crowds, jumping into rather large puddles (thank you Peppa Pig), and walking straight into people as she merrily went along looking behind her.
By the time we arrived home we were exhausted!! Okay - so we did have some fun, large pieces of cake and hot tea featuring as the biggest attraction - but it did get me thinking - was it worth it?!!
I have kids who can only cope so long with being at home and who need to get out of the house, but that has always been a big challenge for me. Even with one child it used to take ten minutes at least to get out of the house, longer when with shoes and coat on and key about to lock the door you hear an almighty poo being done!! Good times!! - And then I was faced with the challenge of getting a still fairly wobbly 17 month old, and two screaming babies in car seats down a flight of stairs, and into the car - with neighbours unaware of how much space you need to leave either side in order to open the door wide enough to get a car seat in! Looking back this accounts for why I didn't leave the house a lot for about 6 months.
My best friend has a new baby and is currently battling with a 20 month old who won't have her hand held - this is now a much bigger deal since there is another little one in the equation and scooping the eldest up out of danger isn't so easy!! Even going out to feed the ducks seems like a huge challenge when it is no longer one on one. I so often compare our family to others and feel guilty for not doing or going out as much, and often have to be reminded that we are different because we have three little ones so close in age. And I have to be careful not to wish this time away, willing them to be old enough to...... The truth I'm learning is that it is tempting to think that things will get easier - and in practical ways they do - going out must get quicker when your kids can put their own coats on!! But really parenting doesn't get easier, it just comes with different challenges! And so we must be determined not to wish our time away - and on the difficult and trying days, to only focus on the joyous parts!! And, when your child is having a huge tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, remember that most of the people staring at you are doing so in sympathy and not in judgment because they have been their too!!
By the time we arrived home we were exhausted!! Okay - so we did have some fun, large pieces of cake and hot tea featuring as the biggest attraction - but it did get me thinking - was it worth it?!!
I have kids who can only cope so long with being at home and who need to get out of the house, but that has always been a big challenge for me. Even with one child it used to take ten minutes at least to get out of the house, longer when with shoes and coat on and key about to lock the door you hear an almighty poo being done!! Good times!! - And then I was faced with the challenge of getting a still fairly wobbly 17 month old, and two screaming babies in car seats down a flight of stairs, and into the car - with neighbours unaware of how much space you need to leave either side in order to open the door wide enough to get a car seat in! Looking back this accounts for why I didn't leave the house a lot for about 6 months.
My best friend has a new baby and is currently battling with a 20 month old who won't have her hand held - this is now a much bigger deal since there is another little one in the equation and scooping the eldest up out of danger isn't so easy!! Even going out to feed the ducks seems like a huge challenge when it is no longer one on one. I so often compare our family to others and feel guilty for not doing or going out as much, and often have to be reminded that we are different because we have three little ones so close in age. And I have to be careful not to wish this time away, willing them to be old enough to...... The truth I'm learning is that it is tempting to think that things will get easier - and in practical ways they do - going out must get quicker when your kids can put their own coats on!! But really parenting doesn't get easier, it just comes with different challenges! And so we must be determined not to wish our time away - and on the difficult and trying days, to only focus on the joyous parts!! And, when your child is having a huge tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, remember that most of the people staring at you are doing so in sympathy and not in judgment because they have been their too!!
Thursday, 2 February 2012
The Naughty Step
My eldest daughter Beth turned three in December. A couple of days ago we had a conversation that went like this:
Beth: Mummy, my baby's on the naughty step.
Me: Oh dear Bethy.
Beth: Yes mummy, cause she disobeyed me. She's been crying for 2 hours ever since she woke up.
Me: Oh no - maybe you should get her now.
Bet: Okay (Goes to discipline her baby in hushed tones).
I'm pretty sure I've never put Beth on the naughty step for more than 2 minutes but I suppose three year olds don't really get the concept of time!! The great thing about Beth is she loves to mother, she loves to mother her little sisters and she also loves to mother me. I suppose I am a 'wear your heart on your sleeve' kind of person but I also have a pretty perceptive daughter and as much as she can wind me up, she always knows when I've had enough and the challenges I'm facing are actually making me sad. And that is when she puts her hand on my face, strokes my hair and asks me, "Mummy, what's worrying you?" And I suppose that is when I remember that actually, its my chance to step up and get into mothering mode again. So I tell her, "Mummy's okay, she's just feeling a bit sad today but I love you very much Bethy." So she gives me a cuddle and goes on her merry way!!
Sometimes its difficult to get the balance between being honest with your little ones about how you're feeling and remembering that its your job to protect them and make them feel secure. I never want my kids to worry, but I also believe we sometimes need to be real with them and teach them how we pray and ask God to help us in the rough times. And it's Beth's prayers that often fill me with the most faith and encourage me to keep mothering whole heartedly. The amazing thing is that she reminds me I was made to mother because it comes so naturally to her. And then the job seems a little easier!
Beth: Mummy, my baby's on the naughty step.
Me: Oh dear Bethy.
Beth: Yes mummy, cause she disobeyed me. She's been crying for 2 hours ever since she woke up.
Me: Oh no - maybe you should get her now.
Bet: Okay (Goes to discipline her baby in hushed tones).
I'm pretty sure I've never put Beth on the naughty step for more than 2 minutes but I suppose three year olds don't really get the concept of time!! The great thing about Beth is she loves to mother, she loves to mother her little sisters and she also loves to mother me. I suppose I am a 'wear your heart on your sleeve' kind of person but I also have a pretty perceptive daughter and as much as she can wind me up, she always knows when I've had enough and the challenges I'm facing are actually making me sad. And that is when she puts her hand on my face, strokes my hair and asks me, "Mummy, what's worrying you?" And I suppose that is when I remember that actually, its my chance to step up and get into mothering mode again. So I tell her, "Mummy's okay, she's just feeling a bit sad today but I love you very much Bethy." So she gives me a cuddle and goes on her merry way!!
Sometimes its difficult to get the balance between being honest with your little ones about how you're feeling and remembering that its your job to protect them and make them feel secure. I never want my kids to worry, but I also believe we sometimes need to be real with them and teach them how we pray and ask God to help us in the rough times. And it's Beth's prayers that often fill me with the most faith and encourage me to keep mothering whole heartedly. The amazing thing is that she reminds me I was made to mother because it comes so naturally to her. And then the job seems a little easier!
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