Yesterday I went to a conference for women on Justice. I've always had a heart for the poor and for seeing justice done, but having listened to harrowing accounts of domestic violence and sex trafficking I found myself asking "what can I do now?" I would love to do something BIG for God but with a three year old and one year old twins, life seems pretty overwhelming already. So I found myself asking God, "what can I do? What is in my hand at this time in my life?" And the lovely lady praying for me had a picture of a cloth being sewn with beautiful gold thread. She felt God wanted me to be okay with knowing that in raising my kids I was sewing beautiful stitches for him - okay I know that sounds a bit corny!! But it felt good to hear God values what I'm giving my life to now and that mothering can extend not just to my kids but to those around me - those who need to know they are loved by the king and that they are doing well and I feel that lots of mothers especially need to know that!!
It's funny that we often go to church on a Sunday morning with our 'I'm doing fine' faces plastered on - the one place we should be able to be honest about how we're doing!! And often all we can think when we look at other mums is, "She's so together, so thin, so organised - her kids are so well behaved. I wish I was like that." The truth though is so different - we all struggle in different ways because parenting is HARD!!! And I don't just mean the ten loads of washing a week, or trying to feed your kids a beautiful home made meal when you know they would probably eat it if it was spaghetti hoops and toast, or knowing that by 5pm when you're wiped out you still have to give them all baths and some how get them to bed without collapsing in a heap!! I mean the heart wrenching love you feel for your kids, the always feeling like you need a break and then missing them when you get one!! The disciplining and sometimes feeling suffocated by children going through that awful separation anxiety stage!! And always feeling like you're not quite doing a good enough job!!
Parenting is hard - mothering is hard!! Thank God there is grace and strength to sustain us. It is time we stopped aspiring to be like all the other mums and understood that God has made us us!! And purposefully.
So, what is in my hand now? I figured it was the opportunity to be honest about real parenting in the hope that we all feel less inadequate! And encourage us that we're doing a good job!! Sure I want to find out what BIG things I can do for God, but I'm learning there are seasons and its okay to have small beginnings!!
