Always Teachable.

Sat here now I am listening to one baby crying in bed and post battle with my eldest to get her in to bed. Once the girls settled in to a routine (which took forever with the twins) we didn't experience them refusing to go to sleep at bed time. It never ceases to amaze me that when you think you've got something cracked it all suddenly goes pear shaped again. And we have tried EVERYTHING!! - Don't go in, do go in, settle them with a cuddle, let her cry it out, calpol, water, food before bed time, slow bedtime, quick bedtime, story, no story - it goes on and on.


My husband and I ask each other again and again - what shall we do? And three and a half years on from our first baby we still feel like we don't know what on earth we're doing half the time. Parenting seems to be one of those 'never stop learning' things. It is so easy to get arrogant - 'my child sleeps through the night', 'my child eats anything', 'my child always does what he is told'... the truth is that nobody has a perfect child and even if they're behaving perfectly right now, chances are next week it will have all gone out the window. 


It feels as though half the time it is a competition to see who is more stubborn - the girls or me. And after tiring days and disturbed nights it feels easier sometimes to give in. I have so much admiration for parents who are on their own or whose partners work away. My husband is working late tonight and it is a lot harder to be stubborn alone even when I know that going to bed on time will serve my kids best for tomorrow.


I am glad that even when I feel alone I am not alone and that God gives me the perseverance to continue trying to parent my kids well! And I am glad that God is stubborn with me - that He stubbornly loves me and watches over me and trains me for His purposes. I am praying that all these experiences with my children will set me in good stead for what God has in store for me in the years to come. I hope I am always teachable. 

Grace in Abundance

My friend Lucy has four kids and is a hero of mine. She has passed on a lot of wise advice to me in the past ten years but the bit I always come back to is this - Keep asking God for grace to parent. 


The older my girls get the more I am aware of my own frailty and inability to meet God's standards when parenting. The amazing thing, is that God has grace for me in abundance. When I lose it with the kids for the tenth time in the day and find myself feeling guilty for not getting it right - for not speaking to the girls more kindly, for not having more patience, for feeling too tired to get one more drink or snack or deal with one more scrap - I thank God that his love and grace for me is not earned! And that although I don't deserve it He still gives it to me again and again and again.


And knowing God has so much grace for me, and that he loves me and is not careless with me reminds me that He has given me my beautiful girls (as crazy as they can be) and called me to motherhood purposefully - And it makes me want to parent better. 


It doesn't change the fact that parenting is hard - that life can be hard. When we're up half the night with kids teething, or cleaning up sick for the tenth time, feeling unappreciated or just generally feeling overwhelmed with life and work, sometimes the best solution appears to be giving up - or at least walking out the door for a breather. But God loves to get us on our knees and cause us to be completely dependent on Him again - to remind us that we need his grace and that it is sufficient for us. Getting before God can so often be the last resort for me when it comes to dealing with my kids - which is crazy!! It is the only thing that really works!! Thank you God that I don't have to parent alone. Thank you God for your gracious heart for me.