Perfection

I never really wanted to be anything other than a mum. But I always imagined myself being a really good mum!! The sort that you read about in books and watch in movies. The kind who are devoted and full of energy - who are always doing some sort of 'fun activity' with their children. And then I sat in church and watched amazing women mother. Godly, busy, tireless women who mothered well child after child! And then I read in Proverbs 31 about the woman who fears the Lord, who, "looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed." It feels like a lot to live up to - are there really mums out there who are like this all the time?


Today I sat on my bed and sobbed because I do not feel like one of those women. Today I feel like a rubbish mum - a tired mum. My kids are ill AGAIN and I feel like I have not had a minute of quiet. There have been squables over toys - why is it that siblings always want the same thing? tantrums in the car, disobedience at the doctors - the kind where everyone stares at you - and dinner refusal. I would say I was probably fairly justified in feeling completely frustrated and fed up after a day like that, but really l just felt like I wasn't doing well- that I was mothering badly.


Mums beat themselves up a lot. We rarely feel that we are doing well. It is because we love our kids with a rawness that cannot be put in to words and we know we only get one shot at doing it right. If our desire is to become more Godly in our mothering, feeling like we're not doing well is not always a bad thing. It brings us to a place of dependence on God and it reminds us that we are in need of Him - "the grace of our Lord overflowed for me." (1 Timothy). Thank you God. But, we must cry out of repentance and not out of a false illusion that perfect mothering is something that can ever be achieved! The truth is that we are sinners and no one gets it right all of the time. One of the biggest lessons God is teaching me, is to be quick to apologise to my kids, and pray that my heart makes up for my outward failings.


I love that my anchor in life is one who does not fail, who is perfect all of the time and who is capable of not only parenting me but parenting my children better than anyone else. 

Psalm 34

God has spoken to me from Psalm 34 this week. Sometimes the only thing that will do is God's word... 

I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
² My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
     Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰ The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, O children, listen to me;
     I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
¹² What man is there who desires life
    and loves many days, that he may see good?
¹³ Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.
¹⁴ Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
     and his ears toward their cry.
¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷ When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
     but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
²⁰ He keeps all his bones;
     not one of them is broken.
²¹ Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²² The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.