Before I became a mum I had a lot of ideals about the way I was going to parent. I was determined that none of my children were going to be given a dummy no matter how much they cried - all of my children had a dummy at some point during their first year. I was sure that we would never use pudding as a bribe for eating tea - I think we use this bribe on at least one of our kids every day. And I was positive that my children would be well behaved and not tantrum throwers - mmmmm.
Since having children I have realised that a lot of parenting is about surviving every day as it comes and trying to enjoy my kids in the process. It isn't easy, but it is a blessing and we are doing the best we can to teach them and train them and to help them learn about the Father's heart.
I recently had a conversation with one of Beth's playgroup workers where I casually asked how she was doing. Their answer was that Beth was fine but that there had been one incident where Beth had told another girl she couldn't play with her. I felt so disappointed, this not normally being what Bethy is like, but she had also been giving me attitude at home so in some ways it didn't surprise me. I was really challenged by God on the way home not to put standards of perfection on my children - after all they are still sinners and no amount of training and teaching by me will change that fact. It was freeing to know that Beth's behaviour isn't wholly my responsibility and I felt God was prompting me to pray for the holy spirit to work in Beth's heart - this will be much more effective!!
I think we expect so much of our kids and fret about their behaviour and how it makes us look as parents. Our greatest concern should be what is in their heart. Do they know they are loved by the King of the universe? And not just loved, but bought at the most costly price. As this truth seeps into their hearts their behaviour will right itself. And so this is what I pray for.
Monday, 25 June 2012
Saturday, 19 May 2012
A High Calling
Did you ever have one of those moments where someone asks you what you do, and when you tell them you're a mum you can literally see them switch off?! I don't think people mean to do it - I guess it doesn't help that we live in a society which doesn't seem to put much value on staying at home to raise your kids. This feeling is not always helped by the fact that being at home with the kids all day often makes you feel that you're defined by your children! So many of my mum friends have said things about losing a sense of their identity when they become stay - at - home mums.
I think there is a time when your maternity leave finishes, and you realise that you are in this for the long haul, that feels quite scary. I have often found myself explaining to people why I stay at home with the girls as though it is something to apologise for - which is the most crazy thing!! I felt called by God to be at home with our kids in the day and it really helps to know that it is a high calling and that I can do it for God's glory. I guess that rather than losing our identity we take on a new one, and other passions go on the back burner for a while. This sometimes gets me frustrated - to be passionate about so many things but not doing anything about them because frankly I don't have the energy!! But actually I have to remind myself that this is a season - a season for raising my children, helping to provide for them and trying to do it well.
A friend of mine (also a mum) wrote me a card before I had the twins. It said this, "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to stay healthy. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to clean the house, give a dinner party and mend the door handle. Take care of the stones first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
I am learning that on those days where I feel I'm 'just a mum', I need to thank God that he has called me to such an important job, and ask for the wisdom to prioritise and to do it well.
I think there is a time when your maternity leave finishes, and you realise that you are in this for the long haul, that feels quite scary. I have often found myself explaining to people why I stay at home with the girls as though it is something to apologise for - which is the most crazy thing!! I felt called by God to be at home with our kids in the day and it really helps to know that it is a high calling and that I can do it for God's glory. I guess that rather than losing our identity we take on a new one, and other passions go on the back burner for a while. This sometimes gets me frustrated - to be passionate about so many things but not doing anything about them because frankly I don't have the energy!! But actually I have to remind myself that this is a season - a season for raising my children, helping to provide for them and trying to do it well.
A friend of mine (also a mum) wrote me a card before I had the twins. It said this, "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to stay healthy. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to clean the house, give a dinner party and mend the door handle. Take care of the stones first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
I am learning that on those days where I feel I'm 'just a mum', I need to thank God that he has called me to such an important job, and ask for the wisdom to prioritise and to do it well.
Monday, 16 April 2012
Perfection
I never really wanted to be anything other than a mum. But I always imagined myself being a really good mum!! The sort that you read about in books and watch in movies. The kind who are devoted and full of energy - who are always doing some sort of 'fun activity' with their children. And then I sat in church and watched amazing women mother. Godly, busy, tireless women who mothered well child after child! And then I read in Proverbs 31 about the woman who fears the Lord, who, "looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed." It feels like a lot to live up to - are there really mums out there who are like this all the time?
Today I sat on my bed and sobbed because I do not feel like one of those women. Today I feel like a rubbish mum - a tired mum. My kids are ill AGAIN and I feel like I have not had a minute of quiet. There have been squables over toys - why is it that siblings always want the same thing? tantrums in the car, disobedience at the doctors - the kind where everyone stares at you - and dinner refusal. I would say I was probably fairly justified in feeling completely frustrated and fed up after a day like that, but really l just felt like I wasn't doing well- that I was mothering badly.
Mums beat themselves up a lot. We rarely feel that we are doing well. It is because we love our kids with a rawness that cannot be put in to words and we know we only get one shot at doing it right. If our desire is to become more Godly in our mothering, feeling like we're not doing well is not always a bad thing. It brings us to a place of dependence on God and it reminds us that we are in need of Him - "the grace of our Lord overflowed for me." (1 Timothy). Thank you God. But, we must cry out of repentance and not out of a false illusion that perfect mothering is something that can ever be achieved! The truth is that we are sinners and no one gets it right all of the time. One of the biggest lessons God is teaching me, is to be quick to apologise to my kids, and pray that my heart makes up for my outward failings.
I love that my anchor in life is one who does not fail, who is perfect all of the time and who is capable of not only parenting me but parenting my children better than anyone else.
Today I sat on my bed and sobbed because I do not feel like one of those women. Today I feel like a rubbish mum - a tired mum. My kids are ill AGAIN and I feel like I have not had a minute of quiet. There have been squables over toys - why is it that siblings always want the same thing? tantrums in the car, disobedience at the doctors - the kind where everyone stares at you - and dinner refusal. I would say I was probably fairly justified in feeling completely frustrated and fed up after a day like that, but really l just felt like I wasn't doing well- that I was mothering badly.
Mums beat themselves up a lot. We rarely feel that we are doing well. It is because we love our kids with a rawness that cannot be put in to words and we know we only get one shot at doing it right. If our desire is to become more Godly in our mothering, feeling like we're not doing well is not always a bad thing. It brings us to a place of dependence on God and it reminds us that we are in need of Him - "the grace of our Lord overflowed for me." (1 Timothy). Thank you God. But, we must cry out of repentance and not out of a false illusion that perfect mothering is something that can ever be achieved! The truth is that we are sinners and no one gets it right all of the time. One of the biggest lessons God is teaching me, is to be quick to apologise to my kids, and pray that my heart makes up for my outward failings.
I love that my anchor in life is one who does not fail, who is perfect all of the time and who is capable of not only parenting me but parenting my children better than anyone else.
Saturday, 7 April 2012
Psalm 34
God has spoken to me from Psalm 34 this week. Sometimes the only thing that will do is God's word...
2 My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
and delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
9 Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
11 Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Always Teachable.
Sat here now I am listening to one baby crying in bed and post battle with my eldest to get her in to bed. Once the girls settled in to a routine (which took forever with the twins) we didn't experience them refusing to go to sleep at bed time. It never ceases to amaze me that when you think you've got something cracked it all suddenly goes pear shaped again. And we have tried EVERYTHING!! - Don't go in, do go in, settle them with a cuddle, let her cry it out, calpol, water, food before bed time, slow bedtime, quick bedtime, story, no story - it goes on and on.
My husband and I ask each other again and again - what shall we do? And three and a half years on from our first baby we still feel like we don't know what on earth we're doing half the time. Parenting seems to be one of those 'never stop learning' things. It is so easy to get arrogant - 'my child sleeps through the night', 'my child eats anything', 'my child always does what he is told'... the truth is that nobody has a perfect child and even if they're behaving perfectly right now, chances are next week it will have all gone out the window.
It feels as though half the time it is a competition to see who is more stubborn - the girls or me. And after tiring days and disturbed nights it feels easier sometimes to give in. I have so much admiration for parents who are on their own or whose partners work away. My husband is working late tonight and it is a lot harder to be stubborn alone even when I know that going to bed on time will serve my kids best for tomorrow.
I am glad that even when I feel alone I am not alone and that God gives me the perseverance to continue trying to parent my kids well! And I am glad that God is stubborn with me - that He stubbornly loves me and watches over me and trains me for His purposes. I am praying that all these experiences with my children will set me in good stead for what God has in store for me in the years to come. I hope I am always teachable.
My husband and I ask each other again and again - what shall we do? And three and a half years on from our first baby we still feel like we don't know what on earth we're doing half the time. Parenting seems to be one of those 'never stop learning' things. It is so easy to get arrogant - 'my child sleeps through the night', 'my child eats anything', 'my child always does what he is told'... the truth is that nobody has a perfect child and even if they're behaving perfectly right now, chances are next week it will have all gone out the window.
It feels as though half the time it is a competition to see who is more stubborn - the girls or me. And after tiring days and disturbed nights it feels easier sometimes to give in. I have so much admiration for parents who are on their own or whose partners work away. My husband is working late tonight and it is a lot harder to be stubborn alone even when I know that going to bed on time will serve my kids best for tomorrow.
I am glad that even when I feel alone I am not alone and that God gives me the perseverance to continue trying to parent my kids well! And I am glad that God is stubborn with me - that He stubbornly loves me and watches over me and trains me for His purposes. I am praying that all these experiences with my children will set me in good stead for what God has in store for me in the years to come. I hope I am always teachable.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Grace in Abundance
My friend Lucy has four kids and is a hero of mine. She has passed on a lot of wise advice to me in the past ten years but the bit I always come back to is this - Keep asking God for grace to parent.
The older my girls get the more I am aware of my own frailty and inability to meet God's standards when parenting. The amazing thing, is that God has grace for me in abundance. When I lose it with the kids for the tenth time in the day and find myself feeling guilty for not getting it right - for not speaking to the girls more kindly, for not having more patience, for feeling too tired to get one more drink or snack or deal with one more scrap - I thank God that his love and grace for me is not earned! And that although I don't deserve it He still gives it to me again and again and again.
And knowing God has so much grace for me, and that he loves me and is not careless with me reminds me that He has given me my beautiful girls (as crazy as they can be) and called me to motherhood purposefully - And it makes me want to parent better.
It doesn't change the fact that parenting is hard - that life can be hard. When we're up half the night with kids teething, or cleaning up sick for the tenth time, feeling unappreciated or just generally feeling overwhelmed with life and work, sometimes the best solution appears to be giving up - or at least walking out the door for a breather. But God loves to get us on our knees and cause us to be completely dependent on Him again - to remind us that we need his grace and that it is sufficient for us. Getting before God can so often be the last resort for me when it comes to dealing with my kids - which is crazy!! It is the only thing that really works!! Thank you God that I don't have to parent alone. Thank you God for your gracious heart for me.
The older my girls get the more I am aware of my own frailty and inability to meet God's standards when parenting. The amazing thing, is that God has grace for me in abundance. When I lose it with the kids for the tenth time in the day and find myself feeling guilty for not getting it right - for not speaking to the girls more kindly, for not having more patience, for feeling too tired to get one more drink or snack or deal with one more scrap - I thank God that his love and grace for me is not earned! And that although I don't deserve it He still gives it to me again and again and again.
And knowing God has so much grace for me, and that he loves me and is not careless with me reminds me that He has given me my beautiful girls (as crazy as they can be) and called me to motherhood purposefully - And it makes me want to parent better.
It doesn't change the fact that parenting is hard - that life can be hard. When we're up half the night with kids teething, or cleaning up sick for the tenth time, feeling unappreciated or just generally feeling overwhelmed with life and work, sometimes the best solution appears to be giving up - or at least walking out the door for a breather. But God loves to get us on our knees and cause us to be completely dependent on Him again - to remind us that we need his grace and that it is sufficient for us. Getting before God can so often be the last resort for me when it comes to dealing with my kids - which is crazy!! It is the only thing that really works!! Thank you God that I don't have to parent alone. Thank you God for your gracious heart for me.
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
No Days Off
One of the hardest things about being a mum is that there are no days off. Gone are the days of lying in at weekends, relaxing holidays or sick days in bed. Kids just don't get it when you're exhausted or feeling rough - they still need what they need.
We are blessed that Justin is a teacher and gets a lot of holiday but after a few holidays with kids we had to adjust our expectations - holidays were no longer relaxing. Okay so there are two of us to carry the load, do the dishes, make the dinner etc. but not a lot of quiet time. We had to start planning activities to entertain our children.
Its funny that when I was a student I thought life was busy (bearing in mind I did a drama degree this was not really the case), and then when I got married we thought we were super busy!! Little were we to know what life would be like with kids - it is relentless and we wouldn't change having them for the world, but I sometimes have those days when the alarm goes off and I think - I just can't do it today.
To tired mums and dads - and those who often ponder if they're doing this parenting job well enough - and wonder how they will do it another day, I quote from Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity the same words I sent to my tired husband this morning;
"Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means." (Robert Louis Stevenson). " Take therefore no thought for the morrow... Give us this day our daily bread. As thy days, so shall thy strength be."
We are blessed that Justin is a teacher and gets a lot of holiday but after a few holidays with kids we had to adjust our expectations - holidays were no longer relaxing. Okay so there are two of us to carry the load, do the dishes, make the dinner etc. but not a lot of quiet time. We had to start planning activities to entertain our children.
Its funny that when I was a student I thought life was busy (bearing in mind I did a drama degree this was not really the case), and then when I got married we thought we were super busy!! Little were we to know what life would be like with kids - it is relentless and we wouldn't change having them for the world, but I sometimes have those days when the alarm goes off and I think - I just can't do it today.
To tired mums and dads - and those who often ponder if they're doing this parenting job well enough - and wonder how they will do it another day, I quote from Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity the same words I sent to my tired husband this morning;
"Anyone can carry his burden, however heavy, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all that life really means." (Robert Louis Stevenson). " Take therefore no thought for the morrow... Give us this day our daily bread. As thy days, so shall thy strength be."
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